The Single Man's Dad Test – the 2024 version.

“How’s Polly going?”

I desperately want to become a dad, but I’m single and in my late thirties, which means the circle of opportunity is shrinking, or has closed over completely – according to some of my already fathering pals.

So, who’s Polly and what has she got to do with it? She’s The Polly Woodside.

And why do I sometimes get asked about her? Because when it comes to me becoming a father, some of my mates joke that, “that ship has already sailed.”

Maybe they’re right, but I’m not raising the white flag just yet. My pursuit of fatherhood, and becoming a good one at that continues, although judging by a recent babysitting effort, I’ve still got a lot to learn.

Maybe you can be the judge of that.

My mum recently had a birthday lunch to attend that clashed with looking after

her youngest grandson – my nephew – and needed me to tag in and replace her.

My nephew's name is Ace and he's four years old.

Of course I said 'yes' to looking after Ace because I wanted to help my mum, but also because it presented the opportunity for me to take on...

The Single Man's Dad Test.

A test I first undertook with my eldest nephew Jagger back in 2015...

And that this time seeks your opinion on how I went looking after Ace.

Without further ado, here’s how the day/test unfolded—

11am: We took Ace’s toy speedboat down to the beach. The boat got pummelled by the Port Phillip Bay waves, and in trying to get it out on to gentler seas, I misjudged the sandbar, fell into the water and got all wet. Not the best of starts. Ace thought it was hilarious though.

11.30am: We made sandcastles. Ace came running back from the highest part of the foreshore as if he'd just discovered gold.

“I’ve just discovered gold!" He said. "Gold sand. We need to put some gold sand on the castle to decorate it."

It was just normal soft sand, but of course I played along.

12.30pm: We got back to my parent's house, and it was straight to the backyard for a game of soccer. By game’s end, Ace led 28 goals to nil, largely because he was keeping score, and because my target was the washing basket impossibly placed under a low-hanging tree, while his was any one of the three walls that surrounded the backyard.

Then it was time for lunch.

1.30pm: Lunch = Happy Meal.

2pm: Reenergised, he marched out into the garage in search of a new activity – "My bike!"

Quickly went the helmet on, and up the driveway we went, but not before a photo first.

At the front of the house, he spotted the postman heading our way, and reacted with the level of excitement I thought only came out at the sight of Santa Clause. I lifted him up on to the low front brick fence, and he waited to see if the postman had anything for his Nanna’s letterbox.

"A nursing book! It's a nursing book Matt."

It was the latest edition of the Australian Nursing and Midwifery Federation magazine – my mum is a nurse. He said thanks to Postman Carl, and had a photo with him... while holding the nursing book. 

3pm: It was time for an afternoon treat, so we went inside for an ice-cream. One of us might have enjoyed it more than the other.

3.30pm: To finish the day, we played a memory game with a pack of animal cards.

And videoed ourselves using a TikTok filter. We didn't post the video though.

4.30pm: His mum arrived to pick him up, and the test was over.

My early reflections were that I did a pretty good job. Although the more I thought about it, the more I questioned whether I too often fell into the trap of ‘fun uncle Matt,’ and whether a good dad would have made the same decisions I did.

Were the Happy Meal and ice-cream options a good dad would have gone with? Not healthy, but perhaps a fair reward for Ace being so active all day, and not sitting on screens?

Was the use of TikTok also a poor choice? Despite the happiness it brought, and although we didn't post anything, is four years of age too young to be playing with social media, even when supervised?

Should I have let him win soccer so easily? Was their greater worth in Ace learning about losing and disappointment, as opposed to winning and joy?

On all of these, and whether I passed or failed the overall test, I’m not too sure.

What do you think?