New girl alert! But she’s super obsessive.

I’ve been hanging out with this new girl.

But already there’s this giant red flag.

She’s the most obsessive thing I’ve ever met in my life. 

She never gives me my own space. 

She always wants a massage.

She always wants to lie on me. 

And she’s always licking my ear. 

This is she: 

My mum has a new pup, and the family holidayed in FNQ last week, so I had to housesit at their place, and look after her pup. 

Her name is Honey. Not the greatest name for a dog that’s black and white, but this is my mother remember, who’s never been great with names; who looked at the most popular boys’ names of 1985, and was so lazy she chose the top name for her eldest born son. 

Anyway, Honey is like, obsessed with me, and I don't know what to do.

I told a female friend about Honey, and she said I should use the pup to pick-up women.

That goes against my one rule for this year – I decided 2025 was going to be the first year of my adult life I didn’t use babies, puppies or unfounded connections to celebrities (such as, “I was just FaceTiming my favourite cousin Dua Lipa”) to attract women. 

The friend then said I should just embrace the obsessiveness. From memory, her actual words were:

"Every female thinks you're revolting. Finally there's one who doesn't think you're that bad.

"Once she gets older, she'll realise you're a pathetic sack, and not want anything to do with you. So for now, just go with it."

It's puppy utopia at the moment in my family. My sister-in-law bought Honey's sister. This is the two of them together:

And my sister bought an Australian Shepherd pup a month earlier. This is him:

So I may not have a choice. Particularly if the family decides to go on more holidays in the near future.

Consider the obsessiveness officially embraced.