Political scandal! The day I kicked a footy at the Prime Minister's car.

Ahhh, federal election day is here.

And I can hear what you're all thinking.

A federal election – There is no better occasion that reminds us that votes are important, Deez Nuts was the greatest candidate to ever run in any election ever, and that there's never been any politician or anyone remotely interested in politics who has a sense of humour.

#fishing.

Or – on that last point – is there? Let's find out.

People often say it's important to set yourself goals in life. So, a couple of years ago, I decided to take this on board – I set myself the goal of going to Parliament House in Canberra, sneaking into the ministerial wing, walking down a flight of stairs to the Prime Minister's courtyard, and kicking a footy at his car.

And wouldn't you know it, despite being dressed like a hobo, I achieved it.

Security did stop me once, but the security guard was more interested in why I had a footy in my hands.

With it being soft and pink (the footy, not the security guard), I said, "I'm here for the Parliamentary Friends of suburban women's Aussie Rules football fundraising lunch, and this is the ball that's being auctioned off... with... Ethel... Jesaulenko's signature on it."

There's no such person as Ethel Jesaulenko, I made that up. Just as I did there being a Parliamentary Friends thing.

Down in the courtyard, I acknowledged the obvious – I was only going to get one shot at this, so needed to make it count.

I positioned my hands around the ball for the perfect drop punt, raised it slightly and then lowered it down onto my foot and...

Actually, rather than me describe my brilliantly accurate kick, maybe Brian Taylor should:

Good call BT!

After scoring full points, I picked up the footy, exited the courtyard, exited the ministerial wing and Parliament House, and caught a plane back to Melbourne without a scratch on me.

Word actually got back to me not long after, that Anthony Albanese noticed a small pink smudge on the windshield of the car the following day, and the BMW was exchanged for another car; one that guzzled more fuel, sent greater levels of carbon dioxide into the air, and contributed to killing our planet more quickly.

Bring on the leftist retort! I can hear their outrage already.

Okay, confession – Anthony Albanese didn't exchange the Prime Ministerial car. That was a lie.

In fact, this whole story is BS. While the featured image is real, the two white Prime Ministerial vehicles in the top left corner are not even Albo's... They're Scomo's.

And I didn't sneak in anywhere or break any rules. I was a staffer who – in order to maintain a clear mind because of the heavy workload – walked a lap of the building each day with a footy in hand.

And the security guards, who are terrific people and extraordinarily good at their job, would nod and smile, and appreciate my need for an escape.

Happy election day everyone! And best of luck to the only Party that has the ability to run the country properly.

The Sex Party! Hahahahahahahahaha....